Our minds can take us on a wild goose ride with all the “What if’s” and “I should have’s.” The mind is the main cause of the “Worrier” in us and is the culprit for our automatic tendency to “beat ourselves up” at the first sign of problems.
Psychologists believe we have between 60,000-70,000 thoughts a day and approximately 80% of those thoughts are negative or self-damaging. In fact, until you actively try to identify these negative thoughts, you’re probably not even aware they’re there. In Thrive terms we get you to recognise your inner voice, the source of your constant narration, helping you to identify what is in your mind means that you can change it.
Negative thinking can start from childhood or even a prolonged period of stress where we have felt particularly powerless. It’s hard to realise how negative self-talk can be detrimental to your self-esteem, self-concept, and confidence when it’s so automatic.
For instance, if something happens that doesn’t turn out the way you expected, the automatic negative thoughts could be, “I’m so stupid. I should have known better.” Habitually thinking negatively or “beating yourself up” results in the real belief that you’re “not good enough,” stupid, or can’t do anything right. It’s impossible to feel confident and successful when you’re constantly “beating yourself down.”
Replacing negative thinking with realistic thinking...
A good way to stop thinking negatively is to consciously identify your negative thoughts, then actively replace negative thinking with realistic thinking or self-soothing thoughts by reminding yourself that “Everything’s going to be ok- I can do this” or “I can get through this.” Try to remember specific situations in the past when you did make it through difficulties times, despite feeling like it was impossible at the time. Doing this will build your confidence and self-esteem and is a great tool to counter negative thinking. It’s true that if you are feeling better about yourself and feeling powerful in your life, it’s harder to think negatively about yourself. By processing the positives, you learn to turn down the volume of negativity that is bound to be holding you back.
Once you have identified your negative thoughts, you need to change them too. Sometimes even the act of writing them down can be effective at helping you get perspective. Seeing them in black and white can really be “an eye opener” and bring newfound awareness to how damaging negative thinking really is.
Once you have identified them you can replace the negative self-talk with a positive version, for example, if your negative thought was “I am hopeless at managing my finances” write the opposite, “I manage my finances well and still have a roof over my head and food on the table.” If you believe your positive self-talk just isn’t true, remember that your negative self-talk probably wasn’t true either. Negative self-talk became so powerful because you automatically thought negatively so many times throughout your life, consciously or subconsciously, that you came to believe the negativity a little more everyday. The same principle applies to your new positive self-talk.
Positive affirmations like, “Everyday in every way I am making my life better and better” can have a strong impact on building your self-esteem, which in turn counters negativity. Repeat your positive-self talk daily. Write your affirmations on index cards or post-it notes and stick them to your keyboard, computer monitor, refrigerator, mirrors, bedside table- anywhere and everywhere you can. The more you see them, the more you’ll say them to yourself, and the more they’ll become ingrained in your mind. The negativity and tendency to “beat yourself up” will be less and less likely… until one day, you really will feel confident about who you are.
Alongside the knowledge The Thrive Programme teaches are simple techniques and resources for you to learn in order to live a more contented life. If you have the knowledge and skills, which you can gain from The Thrive Programme, then negativity is a choice. If negativity is only a choice, why choose it?
Blog Post originally posted on Thrive London website by Fiona Brown